bootybar:

when ur family come over for dinner and ask what youve been up to
image

View text
  • 1 week ago
  • 333986
View photo
  • 1 week ago
  • 72944

radioirwin:

radioirwin:

i was in the car with my mum today and she stopped reversing and looks at me and was like “is that a hickey ??? On ur neck ?????? did a boy do that to u ????????? i thought u’d be alone forever on ur laptop.” the hickey was a bruise from where i accidentally shot myself in the neck with a nerf dart while trying 2 recreate a scene in star trek. my life is so pathetic even mum wants me 2 get some

update: i got a real hickey

View text
  • 1 week ago
  • 241057

molebucks:

lovely-dna:

molebucks:

treat me like a college textbook. spend lots of money on me but never touch or look at me

no. treat me like your favorite book. keep me by your side, touch my every page, learn all my twists and turns, remember every word I say, even the ones that make you cry

*4-second-long fart noise*

View text
  • 1 week ago
  • 219378
View photo
  • 1 month ago
  • 1629
View photo
  • 1 month ago
  • 527
View photo
  • 1 month ago
  • 44
View video
  • 1 month ago
  • 111
View photo
  • 1 month ago
  • 15
View photo
  • 1 month ago
  • 460656
View photo
  • 1 month ago
  • 12416
View photo
  • 1 month ago
  • 2583
View photo
  • 1 month ago
  • 15257
View photo
  • 1 month ago
  • 132003
View photo
  • 1 month ago
  • 196
x